An Artist's Confidence

Why must it be such a fragile thing?

I love being a creative person. What I don't like is being a creative person who is also PMSing, and has anxiety issues. 

It all started earlier this week when one of my Anima guys let me know there was a chance he wouldn't be there Friday. This isn't a big deal, it happens, especially when juggling birthday's of his girlfriend's family and they like to do things last minute. I received confirmation yesterday about which felt way too last minute for me but there's no amount of cranky that will change that. I was able to alter the session to make it work without him. So no big deal, right?

Well then another of the guys said he would be late. I wasn't worried until my husband pointed out that a little late for him has been super late for the rest of us so we may not get to much at all.

That was this morning. I went back to bed and pulled the covers over my head. A couple hours later, after having dreamed about the worst possible game session imaginable, complete with one guy giving another a partial buzz cut mid-session, my husband texted me.

It was the real name of his character, completely not the one I had given said character when he gave me nearly nothing for backstory. We worked it all out and he's using the name I gave as his character's family name and the one he picked out as his character's first name. So again, no biggy. It was all worked out well.

Except that he's upset that I may have fibbed to keep something for his character a surprise. I don't even remember this at all. I'm trying to, but there was one point when he was talking to me about his character while I was half asleep. This is the only time I can think of that this may have happened. I feel bad about it because this is not what I intended. But it's kinda become a thing now...

Regardless of the fact that a lot of this is out of my control, I feel like I'm a terrible GM for this and if I were better at it, this wouldn't have happened. Add in whacked out hormones and I'm a mess.

Hopefully this gets better soon.

Hiatus Apparently

Apparently a hiatus was in order for me. Things have been odd so that doesn't help me much in keeping up with the things I usually do. The summer cold didn't help either.

What really got me thrown off though, is Anima. I have dived into this world with pretty much everything in me, creativity-wise. Sure I have a lot of other stories but there's just something about this campaign that has grabbed me and will not let me go.

Some of it is that I have a great group of guys as my players who have given me such a diverse cast, I find myself fangirling all over the place about them. They are not the typical kind of group I would put together which makes it that much more fun. 

I mean, seriously, who would have thought to put together this group:

* A martial artist/pharmacist who is apathetic about everything except his intense hate for anything dark (my hubby's character).

* An ex-merc who is terrifying with a sword, especially if you are dark/blood mage or pirate, yet lately has been having to be Captain Dad.

* A quiet psychic warrior with ADHD, who also looks a little like a tiger.

* An intensely derpy dark mage who loves everyone despite the fact that he drives everyone else crazy and has a love for pirates.

* A bisexual, nearly divinely gorgeous light mage who is epically unfortunate, particularly in his love-life.

* A ridiculously pale woman with ninja-like skills and penchant for blushing who starts everything by hiring the others to help her find someone who bound a crazy artifact to her when she was five (this one's mine). She also has a crush on one the above guys, but isn't telling anyone who it is.

Seriously, this is such a great cast, I'm kinda beside myself with creative awe. I'm waiting on the details for the ex-merc at this point but since his player has been working very hard on him, I'm more than willing to wait. 

Session Four is this Friday. I'm so excited ^^

Anima and My Creative Mind

Sorry I've been gone so long. I've been sitting on a number of post ideas but none of them were really working for me. I debated doing a post about how women are treated in comics art-wise then I realized that it is such a controversy. I'd much rather enjoy scrolling through the Escher Girls Tumblr and laugh at the atrocities against anatomy than state my own opinions. Getting into it too much takes the fun out of some of it.

I debated posting about the continuing adjustments I'm making to my Fluttershy cosplay but as we had to cancel going to JAFAX, I'm not currently working on it.

I debated things I cannot even remember.

Finally I have something. This past month, I started down a new path, that of Game Mistress of an Anima Campaign. I've been wanting to do this ever since my husband bought me the original core book a couple years ago. And now it's finally happening! Squee! I have five players who are fantastic at characterization, a very open world to play with and a brain that won't stop coming up with ideas to throw at them. My guys are also hilarious. Last session, several of them stuck their d4s to their foreheads and declared themselves to be Dice-icorns. My husband stuck two and then three to his forehead, becoming a Diceson and a Diceratops.

The part that is most fun for me is all the art this inspires me to do. I already knew going into this that this campaign is destined to be a comic but I didn't know I would be this excited about it. I have to wait a bit for the actual art part of the deal though because I don't have all the information I need about the characters from the guys as yet. I guess I'll be working on transcribing the script from the recordings. It will be a challenge because all of us have serious ADD during the sessions but it's at least something.

I feel like I'm kinda boring since that's pretty much it for that part of my life right now.

I'll leave you with my latest artwork, a full design of my character Lark Meadows. Steal her and I will throw things at you.