If I could kick my own butt, I would be

Hello Internet Peoples!

Since I'm a homemaker without kids yet, I get to spend a lot of time in my head. I sometimes wonder if it's too much but that's not the point of this post. I have two main goals right now, and recently added a third one. I'm great at setting goals. I'm also terrible at making them happen. And it's driving me nuts!

So for once in my life, I'm going to actually get things done. The first goal is actually the one that seems to be going well. My goal is lose weight in preparation for having future children, which I have mentioned before. This is a huge stretch for me. I've been on the larger side of life for as long as I can remember. If I wasn't heavier than average, I was taller than all the kids my age (from age 4 to 10, when I was genuinely big and tall. After that, the guys were slowly catching up to my height). But no more! I actually managed to work out almost every weekday in July and August is going to be much the same. So how have I earned a butt-kicking?

Weekends. Weekends have been murder for me. Some of it is my own fault because I don't like exercising around other people, least of all my mother. On the weekends, she's already taken over the Wii, which is what works best for my antisocial self. But that's not the worst part. The weekends are when my mom cooks, or at least is supposed to be. Usually she cooks one of the six weekend meals and either I do the rest   (good) or my hubby and I have to grab something as we run various errands, go to church on Saturday night (yay Veritas!) and set up the chairs for the Sunday morning service. This is a recipe for disaster because it's usually copious amounts of nutritionally bankrupt crap, even if its tasty.

At least the solution is obvious, not eating the crap and eating less of it if that's what's available. I've also gone from doing a thirty minute workout to two hours. This isn't workable for most people, but at the moment I have time to spare for that kind of thing. I did the fully two hours for the first time today, and honestly I feel better than I've ever had.

Now for the newest goal, since the last one has more to do with what this blog is about. I really want to stop complaining about everything all the time. I'm really bad about this, especially when it comes to my mother. I let my self get all worked up about things and then I become the most negative person I can possibly be. So no more of that. As cliche' as it is, the whole "if you can't say something nice" saying is very applicable.

Finally, I'm currently working on one and only one of my stories in earnest right now, in hopes of publishing the darn thing soon. I'm trying to get more groundwork done so that I have a more complete work when I start it as a Kickstarter project ( www.kickstarter.com ). But I'm letting my short comings and insecurities get in the way of my work. I'm nervous about my male characters because I've never been very good at drawing them. I'm also fantastically bad at architecture as I can't draw a straight line with a ruler and a T-square, yet I'm working on a story set on a college campus so BUILDINGS GALORE! I hate when I get scared into inaction simply because I struggle with the more subtle curves of the male figure and Euclidean forms.

I have to be bold. Why is that so difficult?

For today's picture, I give you this:

Baby Sugar Glider, you are the cutest!

GAHHH!

Okay I just need to fess up. I have a serious case of lazy and deflection lazy. There's so much I need to get done and I either ignore it or act busy by doing ultimately useless things. I've recently started reading up on things that are important to me again, like making things at home for cheaper and/or better than I can buy at the store, or urban/suburban homesteading in general. I feel a bit better at that because it's not me spending hours on Pinterest pinning random fun things or feeling guilty because of all those annoying motivational pins about weight loss >_<

When it comes down to the nitty-gritty (which is a weird word...), I am lazy and it just cannot go on like this. I want to be a wife and mother who cooks, sews, gardens, preserves food, raises chickens/quail/rabbits/a pygmy goat who shall be named Geraldine, home schools the kids, still goes to anime conventions with the kids in cosplay of course, and draws comics that are just plain epic. Kinda' ambitious isn't it? It is especially when I'm a wife who has 36 pounds to lose by August yet can't seem to get off her duff and exercise, can't remember where her husbands socks ran off to, has to fight the clutter to even find her sewing machine let alone sew anything more than a straight-ish line, can't remember to do her own self-taught drawing lessons, will be doing pretty much all of her JAFAX cosplay last minute and killed the cord on her graphic tablet.

When I look at that list, I'm so very glad that I'm not alone in trying to make this happen. Seriously, if I didn't have Jesus, I'd go absolutely insane. I know that all things are possible because He gives me the strength to start and keep going, despite myself.

And now, Pygmy Goats, curtesy of Crosswynd Farms of Shelton, WA.

I love the long-suffering expression on who I presume is the momma goat.