Thursday, July 18, 2013

An Artist's Confidence

Why must it be such a fragile thing?

I love being a creative person. What I don't like is being a creative person who is also PMSing, and has anxiety issues. 

It all started earlier this week when one of my Anima guys let me know there was a chance he wouldn't be there Friday. This isn't a big deal, it happens, especially when juggling birthday's of his girlfriend's family and they like to do things last minute. I received confirmation yesterday about which felt way too last minute for me but there's no amount of cranky that will change that. I was able to alter the session to make it work without him. So no big deal, right?

Well then another of the guys said he would be late. I wasn't worried until my husband pointed out that a little late for him has been super late for the rest of us so we may not get to much at all.

That was this morning. I went back to bed and pulled the covers over my head. A couple hours later, after having dreamed about the worst possible game session imaginable, complete with one guy giving another a partial buzz cut mid-session, my husband texted me.

It was the real name of his character, completely not the one I had given said character when he gave me nearly nothing for backstory. We worked it all out and he's using the name I gave as his character's family name and the one he picked out as his character's first name. So again, no biggy. It was all worked out well.

Except that he's upset that I may have fibbed to keep something for his character a surprise. I don't even remember this at all. I'm trying to, but there was one point when he was talking to me about his character while I was half asleep. This is the only time I can think of that this may have happened. I feel bad about it because this is not what I intended. But it's kinda become a thing now...

Regardless of the fact that a lot of this is out of my control, I feel like I'm a terrible GM for this and if I were better at it, this wouldn't have happened. Add in whacked out hormones and I'm a mess.

Hopefully this gets better soon.

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