Saturday, October 6, 2012

I seem to lose them fast...

I guess I should have known that things would turn out the way they did.

I can't say I have a shortage of friends, but it really distresses me when it feels like I'm losing a friend, especially when I don't understand why they are leaving in the first place. I can't say he's a really close friend to me, but he's really good friends with my husband and I enjoy his presence in our life very much.

Maybe this wouldn't suck so much if I hadn't been realizing how many friends I've lost touch with. Maybe it wouldn't suck so much if, because I have no siblings of my own, my friends become like brothers and sisters to me. Maybe it wouldn't suck so much if because of the previous thing, I wasn't convinced that the future LunaMusings children would miss out on knowing such fun, quirky and faithful unofficial uncle.

I understand that this very well could be God's will for his life. I will not interfere with that. That doesn't mean it's going to hurt any less to see him go. It doesn't really fill in the big gaping hole in my self-gathered family. It just makes it more understandable. At least a bit.

Maybe I was presuming too much about his friendship with myself and my husband. I do that sometimes. I think I'm better friends with someone than I am. I know I 'm not the most fun person in the world but my husband is a blast and a half to be around. That's not enough to keep him here. But oh how I wish it was.

But that's not what matters.

What matters is that he do what supposed to in regards to what God wants him to do with his life. That's the bottom line. I just wish how I felt, how my husband feels about this mattered. Just a little bit.

I know Michigan can't offer mountains, can't offer new places, wilder places. But it still has much to offer. And it needs much as well. I know he wants more for his ministry than he has here, but doesn't God often use one person to spark change somewhere?

I'm probably over emotional about this because parts of it feel personal. It comes off to me as him saying to all of us who call him friend over here in the Mit that we "will never be enough for me so I'm done with you" rather than challenge us to something greater.

 I'm probably looking at this the wrong way. I want to encourage him, not freak out on him. But I don't think that when the day comes that he moves so far away, that I will be able to hold it together. I will probably cry, probably get angry because there goes one more person who I held dear.

So friend, I'll be praying for you, that God will show you His will quickly. And if He does want you to move away, that I will be able to be happy for you. Just remember those who are still here and know you will always people who love you here. I apologize in advance because I'm sure I will say hurtful things and I may even mean them. Just know that however selfish and ridiculous I may be, I still think of you as my brother, not just in Christ, and love you because of both of those things. I also pray that whatever your journey with God leads you to, you will be content with your circumstances.

Just please don't forget us.


  1. that felt like I just projectile-vomitted emotion all over this post...

  2. I would also like to say that its a tad embarrassing that the one post in which I lose my mind is the one with the most views...~bangs head on wall a few times~